Craigslist

I decided to try to meet somebody on Craigslist. Big mistake. I should have tried the local crack house instead. More later...

Here's my final ad:

I am a really nice, interesting, decent, educated, fun, and smart person. I am sure there is some man somewhere who fits that description too. It is not like I am looking for a unicorn. If you are creep, or want a fuck buddy, or want a Barbie doll, please do not waste your time or mine by sending me an e-mail. If you actually think you might like to meet someone worthwhile, with our clothes on, and talk about something besides your penis, keep reading.

When I’m not at Home Depot, trying to convince my cat I am not his slave, or reading the demented ramblings of strangers on the internet, I like to hang out with my friends who are for the most part boring as hell, oops, I mean married and have kids. I strive not to bother them with the details of my life of sleeping late, going where I want when I want, seeing movies that aren’t rated G, listening to music with suggestive lyrics, swearing, drinking, etcetera... If you have previously intelligent and interesting friends who now constantly share glorious tales of Barney, soccer practice, and the intrigue of the parent teacher association, or you enjoy home improvement, or music, or having fun in general, we have a lot in common. I'm interested in a lot of things and never stop learning. Recently I have developed a fascination for blogs, good ones with correct spelling and discernable sentence structure. I am spending the summer working on the house I just bought, and boy does it need a LOT of work. I am going to be busy ripping things apart and cleaning, and sucking up to contractors for the foreseeable future. Luckily I love this stuff, and am actually having a lot of fun.

Statistically speaking: I’m college educated, in my mid thirties, single, childless, a non-smoker, a Virgo, if you are into that stuff, medium length brown wavy hair, dark brown eyes, Caucasian, short (5’4"), fat, and definitely not ugly, actually kinda sexy and undeniably pretty. I’m not an alcoholic, a drug addict, or a skank. I consider myself to be a recovering Catholic, and am interested in meeting someone who is similarly disdainful of organized religion, yet also at peace with the religion in which he was raised. I like men who are funny and intelligent, especially at the same time.

When it comes to you, be fun, have a job, have a life, don't be a jerk. I am looking for someone in their mid thirties to early forties, in the neighborhood of 6’ tall give or take an inch or two, no wife, no soon to be ex wife, no girlfriend, no overly attached fuck buddy, no current romatic entanglement, no kids, no drugs, non smoking, no drinking problem. Interested? You should be. Drop me a line, include the same kind of info I have given you here, and I’ll write back. I will not waste my time responding to mental midgets, form letters, or men who "wanna get 2gether 2nite" telling me "ur sexy, i licked ur post" and "u writ gud." People, please, have a little dignity. Ignorance, sexual depravity, condescension, and rude comments about my fat ass will get you nowhere fast.