Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Recently, it started to rain about fifteen minutes before I was supposed to leave work. This was no dainty drizzle, but a full on down pour. I hung out in the lobby with the last few remaining stragglers as we all decided to wait and see if it would let up long enough for us to run to our cars. It was a nice peaceful friendly chat at the end of the day.

At last there was a break in the rain, and I took off my shoes and ran through the puddles to my car. I immediately laughed at myself for bothering to save the shoes since it has been a while since I had a decent pair. This home improvement stuff puts a major strain on all my other budgetary considerations. These were nothing but a five-dollar crap pair of shoes from the Evil Empire, my pet name for Wal-Mart. The jaunt through the puddles was very fun though, and I did not step on any of those ubiquitous little pebbles that always seem to find my feet.

On the road at last, I turned up the tunes, and got going just in time for another wave of monsoon conditions. A few exits down the highway, the rain fell back down to a sprinkle. This time the sun also came out. It was gloriously bright. As I looked ahead of me at the surrounding traffic, the light mist, the wet road and the incongruously brilliant sunlight gave the effect of making all the cars around me look like they were gliding along on magic carpets made of rainbows.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

This is Normal?

Well, for a while now, I have worked to have a "normal" life. I have carefully crafted a boring life of FarmVille, Lia Sophia parties, house fixing up projects, and generalized boringness. I have had enough excitement and drama for a few lifetimes.

My doctors tell me that this normal stuff I am striving for is great, but a big adjustment in more ways then I imagined. I really wanted to just have a calm life free of screeching and screaming, and wackadooness. BUT, I spent so much of my life running on pure adrenaline, that I am kind of like an addict. I need to recover, and reset my brain chemistry, and my lifestyle, and my metabolism.

The latest endeavor in my ongoing project to be healthier is learning to sleep. This is harder then changing jobs and careers. This is harder than doing an impressive and convincing impression of a mature responsible adult. This is harder than working on my family issues. This is harder than ending old friendships and forging new ones.

I have had horrendously freakish sleeping habits as long as I can remember. I used to sleep walk my way into other people's beds during my childhood. I also never had a bedtime, or a wake up time. I kinda just went to sleep when I was tired, and woke up when it was time to wake up to go some place, though I frequently "forgot" to get up for school. As an adult, I stopped sleep walking, except for a brief stint following my parents’ deaths. I am told that I both talk a blue streak and laugh in my sleep these days.

What I am trying to do is go to bed at the same time each night, STAY THE HELL ASLEEP, and wake up at the same time every morning. I have always been fine with the wake up. I am intermittently good with the go to bed part. However the whole people allegedly sleep all night thing eludes me. I wake up after about three hours, wide awake, and then do stuff, like laundry, clean the bathroom, write, update my Microsoft Money, brush the cat, give myself a pedicure, etc. I stay up a few hours then go back to sleep.

I was worried because I had been sleeping only three or fours hours a night for so long. I knew I needed to sleep more. My doctors have told me I need to Freaking sleep already dammit. But now I feel like I sleep too much but am always tired. This waking up and doing stuff like a whirling dervish in the middle of the night seems to be the problem.

My doctor says I am not getting REM sleep. Technically, I am not sleeping too much. If you add up all the time I am actually asleep, it is the low normal range of time people should sleep. Because I am not sleeping for long period of time, I am never getting that deep restful rejuvenating make you not FEEL tired sleep.

So, my doctor has given me a month to get my sleep shit together, and learn to sleep through the night, or Da, da, da duuum, sleeping pills.