Monday, July 23, 2007


I've been doing a whole fat lot of none of the stuff I should be doing for awhile. I have not gotten a whole hell of a lot done on my house. I need to find a second job, or a really intensely alluring new full time one that is good enough to pull me away from the job I have now. I need to stop being such a stuck up bitch and just let some poor schmuck get to know me already dammit. I really need to clean my car and have a tag sale.

Instead I have been reading and going to the movies, and watching TV. Some movies I have seen recently that I really enjoyed were Oceans 13, which was really inside and cliquey, but I loved it. It made me laugh. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Knocked Up. It was a very sweet movie. I watch Law & Order in every incarnation like I am getting paid for it, and seriously have doubts about the human race for things like Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, and Charm School, all of which I cannot watch all the way through. I love Hells’ Kitchen, but not sure why, Gordon Ramsay seems to be a nightmare to work for, not sure how much of a prize it is to win. I also really love what I seriously politically incorrectly call the midget show, about the Roloff family. They have nice kids. And I of course watch Court TV. Not sure who is more of a freak, Phil Spector or Nancy Grace.

Borders is my vice. I go there at LEAST once a week. They have two for the price of three books. I read all the best sellers on the freebie tip while I suck back Javaculas. I plan my fantasy vacations in the travel section. I am going to try to take myself to wine country later this year, and I am getting a passport so I can become the gypsy I believe myself to be. I also like to check out the hotties in the History and technical sections. Hey if they are in a bookstore they can probably read, literacy is hot. I also listen to music, and sing, and mutter loving social things like "damn kids" when there is no place to sit or they are taking in stage whispers about their drama laden little lives.

I have bought many books including Pretty Little Mistakes. It is a nice idea, but I found it trite, and juvenile. What I loved, against my will were three books by Emily Giffin. These are books I would generally not pick up, but the title of Baby Proof caught my eye. I loved it. It was not an idiotic bodice ripper at all. What I enjoyed is that these were books with fully developed female characters who were flawed, and sometimes ugly human beings. I am glad I picked them up, and will eagerly try the next book she comes out with. Of course, Mickorific as I am, I love Angela’s Ashes and ‘Tis, and picked up Teacher Man when I saw it in the two for three pile. I also snagged a book that truly intrigued me called Spook. Today I cheated and read the beginning and the end of Deathly Hollows, and actually bought, God is Not Great.

Right now I have to get back to reading all my back issues of Vanity Fair. Graydon Carter says all the evil crap I think about our Idiot in Chief.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Free At Last

It’s over!

As of today at 4 PM, I am officially out of the Executrix business.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Today Kinda Sucked

Today kinda sucked. I had an upsetting experience at work today. We took the Mutt Doggy to the Canine Oncologist. When I stopped to gas up my car, some doofy looking middle aged runty dorks in a Subaru laughed at me. I was trying to straighten out my shorts that I had somehow managed to not only get all twisted up and capped off with a self inflicted wedgie. Little crap like that kills me when I am upset already. You know your life really sucks when middle aged runty Subaru driving dorks are laughing at you.

But, when I woke up today, Girly Kitty was lying next to my head. Like she was just waiting for me, and then Mon Petit Amour came running in for some furry lovies too. There is a lot to be said for the good it does for your soul to have furry people in your life. So far we do not know how things are going to go for the Mutt Doggy. She is definitely not herself, and seems to be uncomfortable. Her eyes look like she is in pain. We did some tests today, and will do more on Monday, and then we will know if surgery will give a reasonable opportunity for her to get better.

Just a reminder, my family has a warped and twisted sense of humor. When we first found out the Mutt Doggy was sick, I told my sister, "we can do this, if we can do two sick parents at once, we sure can do two sick dogs at once." I am very sad about the dogs not doing well. More sad then I would have imagined. The White Witch is doing ok, but her vision and hearing are very poor and she is for lack of a better description pretty darn rickety. I have made it known that they both must drop dead by Halloween, or wait to next Spring to croak. I hate digging in the snow. I’m pooped, and am ready to give up on today. Nighty night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Blah, Blah, Blah

Well, it has been over a month since I sat down to write. I have a bad habit. I try to bargain with myself. I put off what I would really like to be doing in order to do what I think I should be doing. I am working at changing this.

So I don’t write, or repolish my nails, or go hang out at the beach, or "waste time" going through my e-mail and phone messages and keep in touch with people who love me because I think I should be further along with renovating this house.

I’ve had many things I’ve wanted to write about, including my Dad. I’ve known for awhile exactly what I wanted to write about for Father’s Day, but I just could not do it. I will write it soon.

Things have been coming at me from every angle lately, and I just feel like I should be handling them more deftly. Like a lot of people who have come through a lot of discord, I have little patience with myself in the face of lesser difficulties.

In spite of not having even come close to getting this house done, and not really being able to afford it, I ran away from home. I decided one day a couple weeks ago to book a hotel, and rent a car and buy a plane ticket and go see Holly Hobby and Psycho and their kids. Minnie the Mooch took care of Mon Petit Amour and Girly Kitty while I was gone. I am so glad I went. I really needed to visit with them. All the things I feel upset about in regard to my sisters have not gone away, but it was important to me to be reminded of all the things that don’t upset, and truly comfort me.

On a whim, I decided to put a personal ad on a web site. I attracted quite a few freaks, and not the kind of freaks I want to attract. There was one who really interested me, but I was too shy to call him. I just think it is not a ladylike thing to do. Then again I did not give him my number because he could be an articulate axe murderer after all. So, I’m still single, and probably will be forever at this rate.

I also settled a lawsuit I had to pursue as the Executrix of my Mom’s estate, and anticipate going out of the Executrix business for good any day now. We have had a lot of issues with the health of my parent’s dogs. Both the White Witch and the Mutt Doggy are seriously ill, and they don’t have Medicare and Blue Cross for geezer dogs. Most likely we will have to euthanize them both in the coming months, but, for now, they are comfortable and happy. I have been surprised how upset I feel about this.

Also surprising is how I feel about Holly Hobby and her husband recently deciding to get divorced, which they are doing remarkably amicably. All I am really worried about is that my sister is financially safe. They are not at all financially stable. I tell her that it is a big deal, but when push comes to shove, marriage is a binding legal agreement, and ending it should be looked at as a business decision as well. It is important for her to establish credit, protect her retirement, and come to an agreement how to handle existing debts and the miniscule equity in their house. We all know it is a good idea for them to get divorced. They do not hate each other, but they have no business being married to each other. A little unmarried marriage counselor advice; you have to communicate with your spouse. A marriage is like a garden. You have to tend it. If you don’t it gets overrun with pests and weeds, and all the beautiful things wither, and the ugly things thrive.

Finally, I have had a lot on my mind about work. If I am asked, I always say this job sucks much less than any other job I have had in a long time. I still have some frustrations. It is a very small office, and while all the people are pleasant enough, I don’t have anybody my own age to play with. I really thought when I took the job that I would have health insurance as of May first, and that I would be working part time, approximately 30 hours a week when it was not tax season. Well, my boss is dragging his heels about the insurance, and I am usually getting 14, sometimes 25 or so hours a week. I flat out cannot pay even my mortgage on 14 hours a week. I am paid fairly by the hour; it is just not enough hours. So now I need to get a second job, or quit this one, and I am not eager to pursue either choice. And I am having a lot of doubts and frustrations about changing career trajectory in the summer of 2005 on the cusp of turning 36. Humility is not my strong suit, and it is tough starting over.

So, I am going to try to start writing everyday again, and try to get my shit together or at least more cleverly arrange it.