Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Elusive Sheep

For awhile now, I have been profoundly tired and unable to sleep. I fall asleep for a short while, just enough to take the edge off the sheer exhaustion. Then I cannot sleep anymore. I am too old for this shit. I want to sleep at night, all night, like normal people. Over the weekend I saw some of my close friends and got along loving lecture about not worrying about other people, and who gives a shit if you hate work, we still love ya.

But I am still tired. Right now I feel like the money to make the rest of the repairs to my house is unattainable, and I will be stuck living in this decrepit dump forever. Sometimes I wish I had been shallow and gotten married, then I could at least hove some alimony coming in. But my parents always said; if you marry for money you earn every penny.

I am simultaneously worried about my sisters, and sick of them being such colossal fuck-ups. I have given them all the advice I have to give. I am not a bank and this is not a hotel. They are what I call penguins, ya know, they just stand there making a lot of noise and flapping their wings and going nowhere. Somehow I have to figure out a way not to give a shit.

Being tired is hard for me. It amplifies the worst of my personality, and squelches the best. I want to smack the shit out of people most of the time. They all drive too slow, talk to slow, talk to loud, breathe, and otherwise hinder my progress through life. It sucks. I lay in bed at night and ask God to please help me fucking sleep so I can think. Me and God are tight, he knows I have a potty mouth, but I mean well.

I have tried a few things; tonight I am trying Unisom. If it does not work I am going to have to break down and go to the doctor and get some real drugs. I might slap a few people who need it first though.

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