Saturday, June 5, 2010

This is Normal?

Well, for a while now, I have worked to have a "normal" life. I have carefully crafted a boring life of FarmVille, Lia Sophia parties, house fixing up projects, and generalized boringness. I have had enough excitement and drama for a few lifetimes.

My doctors tell me that this normal stuff I am striving for is great, but a big adjustment in more ways then I imagined. I really wanted to just have a calm life free of screeching and screaming, and wackadooness. BUT, I spent so much of my life running on pure adrenaline, that I am kind of like an addict. I need to recover, and reset my brain chemistry, and my lifestyle, and my metabolism.

The latest endeavor in my ongoing project to be healthier is learning to sleep. This is harder then changing jobs and careers. This is harder than doing an impressive and convincing impression of a mature responsible adult. This is harder than working on my family issues. This is harder than ending old friendships and forging new ones.

I have had horrendously freakish sleeping habits as long as I can remember. I used to sleep walk my way into other people's beds during my childhood. I also never had a bedtime, or a wake up time. I kinda just went to sleep when I was tired, and woke up when it was time to wake up to go some place, though I frequently "forgot" to get up for school. As an adult, I stopped sleep walking, except for a brief stint following my parents’ deaths. I am told that I both talk a blue streak and laugh in my sleep these days.

What I am trying to do is go to bed at the same time each night, STAY THE HELL ASLEEP, and wake up at the same time every morning. I have always been fine with the wake up. I am intermittently good with the go to bed part. However the whole people allegedly sleep all night thing eludes me. I wake up after about three hours, wide awake, and then do stuff, like laundry, clean the bathroom, write, update my Microsoft Money, brush the cat, give myself a pedicure, etc. I stay up a few hours then go back to sleep.

I was worried because I had been sleeping only three or fours hours a night for so long. I knew I needed to sleep more. My doctors have told me I need to Freaking sleep already dammit. But now I feel like I sleep too much but am always tired. This waking up and doing stuff like a whirling dervish in the middle of the night seems to be the problem.

My doctor says I am not getting REM sleep. Technically, I am not sleeping too much. If you add up all the time I am actually asleep, it is the low normal range of time people should sleep. Because I am not sleeping for long period of time, I am never getting that deep restful rejuvenating make you not FEEL tired sleep.

So, my doctor has given me a month to get my sleep shit together, and learn to sleep through the night, or Da, da, da duuum, sleeping pills.

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