Monday, July 6, 2009

The Winter of My Discontent

Greetings Royal Internet People!

The urge to write has hit me, so here I am, do with me what you will.

I feel like winter is just ending, it was too cold for too long, and then it rained, and rained, and then rained some more. It has been miserable. People are on edge and testy.

For months I was sick with one thing after another. Nothing life threatening, just did not feel well, and spent a lot of time being a glorified pin cushion getting blood work done. Turns out I had a few different things going on. Also, I get sick to my stomach when I am upset, and I have a work situation that really upsets me with no hope for escape any time soon with the current job market.

Right now with my house I feel completely stalled. I need to jump through so many hoops with permits, and codes, and ordinances, etc. etc. etc with my town. It is ridiculous. I am being red taped to death, and I still live in a house that is screwed up. I feel like I have gotten nothing done in months. Not just because I am held up by bureaucratic hell, but because I was sick, and spent most of the time just dragging myself to work and other obligations, and then lying in bed too miserable to sleep trying to will myself to sleep because I was exhausted.

Finally, I asked for help. It seems all the bullshit of my life has caught up with me, and I kind of need to deal with it. I thought I had, but I am wrong. So now I have some very nice drugs that help me not cry when my work situation flares up, and some others that help me sleep for a reasonable amount of time at reasonable intervals, and a good shrink to help me deal with my ubiquitous issues. I am doing very well with it all, and am figuring out how to cope more productively. It is hard work. I am proud of myself. Apparently I was so busy what with working like a maniac, and then dealing with two terminally ill parents who had the unmitigated gall to die within days of one another and leave in their wake fragile family dynamics that collapsed, seemingly on top of me. So, when I got it dealt with, and came up for air, it turns out I did know how to breathe so to speak. I need to learn how to be "normal" it seems. This cracks me up.

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