30/1

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself

I have been thinking forever about how to articulate this, and have come up empty, so here goes nothing. 

I am ubiquitously “too sensitive” and it causes me innumerable woe in the world of work. 

My last job was really hard for me, but I learned a lot about dealing with conflict and difficult people constructively, and to try not to take it all so seriously.  I am, however, only human, and it was a rough place to work.  Further, I feel that my own behavior deteriorated, and I sometimes was not the professional self I strive to be. 

So, now that I am laid, layed, whatever, off, I am terrified about getting a new job.  I have no idea how I will handle dealing with all new people, and a new environment.  It really hurts me when people are mean to me.  I know I should “consider the source” and not worry about what other people think.  I think I do not care what other people think, I think I just don’t like being attacked, picked on, belittled, and otherwise aggravated within the confines of my work life because I have to make nice with these clowns.  I do not want to be stressed out, and nervous to go to work. 

I worked on this a lot with my shrink.  What it is for me, this dealing with work related fucktardism, is two things.  Most of my life alleged authority figures were not dependable, often unfair, and usually crazy.  So, dealing with screwy people at work really pushes my buttons.  And, speaking of my buttons, number two;  I just do not want to make an effort and invest the emotional energy with these people.  I have dealt with a lot in my life, and I do not want to waste any of it now dealing with people who drink heaping cups of nasty for breakfast.